Ok ,so I know that most all posts of mine have been about self pity in essence but then that’s why I blog, isn’t it? It’s not about pity really, but rather a way to express my feelings rather than going nuts and flipping out on people. This blog is more of the same I suppose but you be the judge. Mainly my complaint today is that of selfish people. When I get a call from someone and I can’t get a word in about anything important or trivial, it really burns my backside. My favorite is when I am told, that’s not important but let me tell you who I saw at the store or whatever they wish to interrupt with. Some of my family members are especially good at this. It is ,however, equally upsetting when you have a friend who is an excellent listener but never divulges anything. I’m not talking deep dark secrets or personal info either. I think that’s what friends talk about, or at least they used to, but not anything of substance. I might inquire about a troubling issue they have been going through and they just say , oh I’d rather not get into it. I might ask how is your job and they say oh you know, same old …same old. I have to question if I’m the crappy friend in this scenario ,since they are not willing to talk about anything other than my contribution to the conversation. In any case, I just wonder why friendships or even relating to relatives has become so difficult for me in my old age(only in my thirties, but still). Your family is supposed to be supportive. My theory is that I allowed them to see me for too long as a spineless and weak person. I was the butt of everyone’s jokes and told that I was paranoid about what people thought about me. I was told I always overreacted to people and situations. They tell a sort of pre story to everyone so that they judge me based on that character they created and that I inevitably became in so many ways. It was not how I wanted anyone to see me but it seemed a lovable character that was welcomed at least. Whenever I show confidence or stand up for myself by saying, hey that isn’t me, it’s not what I like or how I really am at all, it is met with a less than stellar response. I never really became assertive or confident until after high school and believe it or not ,that old persona I let them create for me ,didn’t go away. After all, I played that role because it was less stressful than the constant battle to let my true self shine through. Recently a person introduced into the family said to me, well we all know you hate everyone and everything and your sensitive and hard to please. I was blown away by this because they didn’t get to know me but the image my family created instead. I told them that they shouldn’t believe what they heard because it’s not me. Every action I take is met with , oh that’s so typical of you. I bet you will do this or that next. Um, you don’t even know me…my family doesn’t even know the real me. So I guess it’s partly my fault for living up to these things they wanted me to be. It just sucks because I’m now treated like a weak and angry and paranoid character. You try so hard to better yourself and reinvent yourself to no avail. I can just be sitting back and listening to what’s going on and they will try to egg me on to do or say what they expect me to. When I don’t respond on cue, they say…wow what’s your problem. So I guess I kind of answered my own question as to why I get treated how I do but when friends who don’t know your family dynamic judge you based on one conversation with your family, it’s just tiring trying to defend your true self. The more I defend myself, the worse it gets because it’s viewed as me trying to cover up my alleged behaviors. It makes me look as if I am the one fabricating the story. The thing is, why it’s been bothering me again after so many years, is that it’s become a problem for me to have them paint this picture for my son. I have talked to at least two or three of these folks and let them know not to act this way in front of my son but they don’t care. They simply don’t care about anyone but themselves. They never think they are wrong. If I do something and someone tells me not to because it hurts them in some way, then I stop. Even when I think it’s funny or they are overreacting, it’s still bothers them so I won’t do it. In one case my brother asked me not to say certain things about him in front of his kids, ok no problem. I realized kids are impressionable. Now that I have a child I asked for the same courtesy but guess what….sorry it’s funny..that’s what they say. Ok…NO it’s not funny. Ok well I’ve gone off in several directions on this blog so now I will wrap it up with this question, ….Is it ever ok to allow your family to continue treating you in ways that you don’t like because they are family and you can’t change people? Or should you put your foot down continually and if they won’t even compromise then you cut ties? Same thing for friends, easier to get rid of than family. Ok I guess that’s more than one question. Any thoughts on this topic? Please feel free to comment.