This is about everything and nothing in particular. Do you ever feel that when you need your family the very most, they don’t come through? When you just need them to listen, they spring into action when you don’t need that. If they are getting something out of an experience, they are all in. If there is nothing to gain but the pure joy in helping out, they can’t be bothered. They like to criticize and problem solve where they like but not when you actually want/need it. I see families with the most disfunction pull together through thick and thin. Then I see families who ,in theory, are the picture perfect family and they are absent in times of need. Do you ever feel like your family hangs you out to dry? It is a roller-coaster of emotions sometimes. After they help you out unexpectedly or even when you don’t want/need help, you feel grateful. You feel guilty for having doubted them this whole time. Wow, I am so lucky to have people who love me…right? Then as quick as the blink of and eye, you ask for help, they leave you alone and broken. They say, sorry, I wish I could help. This seems to be a repeat pattern with me. I am 100 % sure this reflects in my friendships or lack thereof. Why are family members so passive aggressive in nature?
I will never be able to get 100 % past at least two major life events. My mom passed away just before the one time in my life when I needed her most. This is probably a big part of my feeling disconnected to my family in some ways, as my mom was the glue that kept us together. In any case, when I lost my son and when I gave birth to his brother, these events felt different then they should have for me. Of course I was missing my mother and her wisdom and comfort. Also I was missing certain family members that vowed to be there for my husband and I during the tough moments in life. My son was born prematurely and he passed away after a lot of ups and downs in the NICU. He was here for just over 6 months, this was no quick delivery and passing. He had a life, however short it may have been. During this time, we went through the bulk of this alone. Most everyone made excuses as to why they couldn’t visit. Then when he passed away, after the funeral, almost nobody called or visited the cemetery. It was swept under the rug so to speak, as if it never happened. I learned in the grieving process, life goes on, and so it does for everyone else too. They have moved past it much quicker than we could ever do. Nobody wants to talk about my son or what happened, much less look at his pictures, and it is all about how they can’t cope. I realize everyone grieves in their own ways and in their own time but family should surely be there in your low times, right? I have seen it both ways for other women who have gone through this type of loss, so I’m not convinced my family is right or wrong on how they dealt with it. I am sure of one thing…I felt extremely alone ,besides being with my husband. Moving along, we finally got a blessing in the form of our newest son ,last year. This was surely a bitter sweet celebration and my family was there every step of the way right? Well, almost right, they were there in the beginning and started disappearing after the first month. In the hospital I got visitors while I was in labor, but then after I had him….one or two visitors. Once again everybody was busy, and for some it was legit but not so much with others. I have to wonder if my being there for everyone else had gone unnoticed or was it just taken for granted. My sister had so many visitors the month prior, when she had her son, she could hardly keep track. This has been the theme since as far back as I can recall. Do I just suffer from middle child syndrome? Is it all in my head? Am I just too sensitive ,as my dad tells me? There are times my birthday has been forgotten or overlooked but parties were had for my siblings. Sorry I’m getting off track a bit but the question remains, is it just me? Do I deserve less than my siblings or other family members? Don’t get me wrong, there have been good times and many times where they have helped beyond what is expected, but it gets overshadowed by these times of utter heartbreak and disappointment. So I guess the question is…Do we expect too much of family? Am I ungreatful? Does everyone go through this? Should I just get over it or is it ok to acknowledge that these things suck majorly? Mainly I just try to look at the positive and I continue to forgive even when I won’t forget or can’t forget. It’s a work in progress and I have to continue to tell myself to stop feeling sorry for myself. I remind myself ,people have it way worse then me. Look at all the wars going on and plane crashes and natural disasters, surely I can find lots of things to be grateful for. I do thank God daily for all he has done for me and for waking up each day. Some days I just can’t help but get angry at my family and I am human after all. Any comments or opinions are welcome but please don’t use foul language or say anything super unsettling.